Week X Slate of Games

Lines courtesy of pinnaclesports.com (for entertainment purposes only). Busy week for El Gran Mono as I now have permanent employment and the lead in the picks. Too bad the Gators defense blows goats!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Vanderbilt @ Florida (-15.5), 12:30

Troy @ Georgia (-16.5), 1

Northwestern State @ Ole Miss (NL), 2

Tennessee Tech @ Auburn (NL), 2:30

Louisiana State @ Alabama (+7.5), 5:00

Louisiana-Lafayette @ Tennessee (-29), 4

South Carolina @ Arkansas (-4), 9

Mississippi State – OFF

Kentucky – OFF

Suggestions for Non-SEC GOTW

Arizona State @ Oregon (-7), 3:30

Umm….

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week IX

El Gran Mono

If you are looking for someone to rip off numerous 50+% weeks in a row, I’m your guy. Last weekend was probably the best weekend of college football so far. The Plainsmen-LSU game was unbelievable. If you are one of those people that thinks Les Miles is “crazy” then you need to watch the end of the game all over again. There was no chance that clock was going to run out so why not take a shot at the endzone. Imagine the media blowing something out of proportion, that never happens! As for this week’s games, there are two feature matchups in the SEC and a PAC-10 showdown as game of the week. Let’s get it on…

Malt Licker

An ill and tired Malt Licker is slowly falling further behind El Gran Mono. Can he rally from his death bed and reverse the losing trend? There are some decent games in the SEC this week, but nothing like last week. The headliner again involves our beloved Gators, this time at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail party. My boss is a Dawg, and he has adorned the walls of the office with various Dawg shit. Some of the more prominent displays are scorecards from UGA’s victories over UF from the past 20 years. Yea….all two of them. It was really impressive, until I thought that a) you could have framed posters of UF’s national titles in the last two years, and have more; and b) if you put all the winning scorecards of UF v. UGA over the same time span, you’d run out of wall space. But hey, at least UGA fans NEEEEEVEEEER wear jean shorts.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

I probably should have started this before I started drinking, that would have made more sense I believe. Anyways, this weekend we have the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, or as UF Prez Bernie Machen would prefer, the World’s Largest Outdoor Fucking Lame-Ass get together with little d-bag hors d’oeuvres and everyone being nice and shit. Fuck, BC just scored, man I hate hearing some of these loser schools getting their knobs slobbed by pussy-ass commentators like Chris Fowler. He is such a loser. Did I ever tell yall how I saw him in Hot-lanta last year after the Gators lost at Auburn? He was returning his rental to Enterprise, and I had my Gator shirt on, dejected, and he looked right at me, after being there for God’s sake and didn’t even acknowledge the shirt, what a dick. Man, maybe I should lay off the Jack for a few paragraphs…

Saturday October 27, 2007

Mississippi State @ Kentucky (-13.5), 12:30

EGM

Miss State let down the SEC last week in Morgantown. They were absolutely shellacked in the first half by the Mountaineers and did not recover in the 2^nd. I have not heard anyone talking about Sly Croom getting fired but even talking about something like that is probably a federal hate crime so forget I ever said anything about it. Miss State is better than last year but they still have a terrible offense and every time that I have seen them play they abandon the run (the strength of their “offense”). After watching Andre Woodson perform two weeks in a row against top quality competition, I have decided he’s the best pure passer in the nation. There is no chance of Miss State taking advantage of KY’s porous defense and keeping this game under 13.5. Did anyone check out that under bite on Dicky Lyons?

Bad offense 17

Good offense 41

ML

The Cats gave UF a major scare in Lexington, and proved they can avoid a let-down after a big game. Last week, Sly’s crew dug themselves a huge hole in the first quarter, and never dug themselves out. Kentucky was able to contain UF’s run game, which is good for them because MSU can’t throw. I look for some more Dickie Lyons explosions in the face of the Starkvegas Scumbags

Cotton pickin’ dawgs 14

Dickie Cats 31

CB

Kentucky’s gonna be out for blood this weekend. They were humiliated in their own house last weekend by the Gators. It was great. Every time UK scored, UF went marching or bombing down the field making the Cats play catch up the entire day, it was great. Oh yea, MSU played like total assclowns last weekend, making me look, even more so, like a jerk. I think Kensucky is gonna roll this weekend, its pretty clear that the Dogs suck.

MSU 13

UK 35

Miami, Ohio @ Vanderbilt (-13.5), 2

EGM

The Redhawks have lost to some mediocre competition on the road by big numbers. Nothing changes in Nashville.

MACdaddies 10

SECstuds 28

ML

Ugh…what a dog of a matchup. Miami will lose because they changed their name from the Redskins to the RedHawks. I’m a firm believer in sticking to your guns, which is why I applaud Vandy for embracing their robber baron heritage.

Ooooga boooga peace pipe 10

Build that railroad injun’ 30

CB

After a total stud move, going into Columbia and coming out victorious, I think the ‘Dores have new found life. Now whether or not they can “blow out” (by Vandy standards) a shitty MAC team, that’s up for debate. But not be me. I really don’t even care about the game. How bizarre, they lost at home in a really demoralizing way to UGA two weeks ago, but then shrugged it off and went and beat the Cocks on the road. I suppose losing that much in your history makes you numb. I guess it’s plausible they don’t cover this weekend, since they clearly don’t care. I’m confused.

Not-Meee-ami 10

Vandee 25

Florida International @ Arkansas (-39), 2

EGM

The Panthers are just bad. No part of their team is even average. They have been beaten by 39 points three times this year. Make it four.

And we live in Miami 10

The McFadden Show 56

ML

Man…I’ve driven by FIU. It looks like an outdoor mall that was built from Construx. I’ve never been to Arkansas’ campus, but it has to be better. I think Nutt will try to run up McFadden’s stats for a Heisman push.

F – eye – you 2

Arky 44

CB

Damn, the, uh, Internationales are getting a lot of points this weekend. I suppose that means they suck. Arkansas has really played me for a fool these past two weeks by not showing up for the Auburn game offensively, and just ripping Ole Miss a new one in Oxford. Man, 40 points is a lot but they almost did that to the Rebs last weekend. Shit, I’m gonna do it. Give the points, that is all.

FIU 3

ARK 45

Florida vs. Georgia (+8.5) at Jacksonville, 3:30

EGM

UGA has struggled offensively in both of their losses and their defense has been very inconsistent. That said, this game should make Gator fans very nervous because the Dawgs can get hot with the playaction passing game and Major Wright will not likely play. And his backup is…drumroll…Kyle Jackson. Not good if you like tackling and good coverage. Lucky for the mighty Gators, they have Tim Tebow who is the best player in the country. If you disagree then you should watch last week’s game against KY. The guy is not only a good runner but an excellent passer. There is no way that UGA’s defense can stop the Gators offense so the real question is whether the Gators defense can step up. They are very young and inconsistent just like the Dawgs. Good thing they aren’t playing against Tim Tebow but rather mentalist-shitbag (Facebook Picture) Matthew Stafford.

#3 Prospect (TT) 37

#2 Prospect (MS) 24

ML

Speaking of staying true to your heritage, can we go back in time and kill each Machen and Adams, who are both responsible for stripping the Cocktail party language from this rivalry’s moniker? I’d love to chug a bottle of bourbon and break it over each of these clown’s heads, then vomit on their wives, and piss in their kid’s corn flakes. This game makes me nervous, Kyle Jackson is starting and is guaranteed to miss 3 tackles on Knowshon Moreno, but super Timmy is returning to his home town, and will dominate.

Silver Bitches 20

Nerves still equal W 27

CB

Well thanks to some heroics by the typical anti-heroes, aka the Crimzin Tide, the Gators are back in control of the SEC EAST. Sure that may sound arrogant but what do you expect when we are facing a UGA team that we have beaten, well I don’t have the numbers in front of me but I’m sure its huge, as well as a Vandie team that blows, and a USC team that just got beat by said blowish team. For the Dawgs, Knowshon Moreno, the 20 year old freshman (interesting), is finna make another start this weekend due to standard UGA injuries. I swear is there ever a year where they don’t have a major injury(ies) to a skill position? Anyways, Matt Stafford and the Bulldog bunch (sounds like the whitest gang in history by the way) are claiming they don’t care/know about the history of this rivalry. That’s wild man, (sorry, trying to appeal to the hippies from Athens), but they should, like, watch out bro, I mean those who aren’t AWARE of history, are like, doomed to like, you know, like, experience it again and stuff man. Wow, that was so deep bro. Fuck the Dawgs, they ain’t gonna be able to stop Tebow. Try and make a game plan for him, I dare you. Stop the run, he’ll pass, stop the pass, he’ll run. Shit I’ll bet if you stopped the passing and running, he would show you how to fly mother fucka!

UF 34

UGA 20

Ole Miss @ Auburn (-17), 6

EGM

Ole Miss was destroyed by Arkansas last week to the tune of 44-6 and QB Seth Adams was replaced for Brent “Baby Vick” Schaeffer after tossing four picks. Hmm, is he called Baby Vick because he likes puppy fights? The Plainsmen have been playing some tough football of late but they are heavily leaning on their defense. They are not going to blow anyone out with their average offense. Thus, the 17 points is unwarranted even if Schaeffer is back in the fold.

Shoulder length Southern Hair 10

Over the ears Southern Hair 24

ML

The clichéd and refined Southerners Classic, that should be the nickname for this game. Either that or the Hair/Morning After Pill Bowl. Ole Miss looked horrible against Arkansas. Auburn should have beat LSU. I honestly have no idea what to expect in this game. Auburn could be pissed off and play well and mop the field with the Rebs, or they could have a hangover and do their typical Auburn-shit and play down to the competition. When in doubt….take the points

Rebz 14

Tigz 24

CB

This may sound like blasphemy, but I actually feel for the Tigers. I mean I was at the Swamp when they were mocking the Gator chomp and hatin’ on everything I find sacred, but after they way that that shit head Les Miles won again, I had nothing but sympathy for the Plainsmen. That’s not to say I would go fishing with them, but I still felt a little bit bad. Anyways, the Rebs, made me look like such a punk. I totally saw them playing tough aginst Arkansawr in a way to rekindle their year, but I was wrong, in a big way. So let’s do a little logical reasoning here to try and figure out the outcome of this game. Auburn played Arkansas away two weeks ago and beat them 9-7. Ole Miss played the Razorbacks and lost to them 44-8 at home. So the Tigers must be able to cover a 17 point spread this weekend. The author must clearly be making the assumption that, even though both outcomes showed an impressive defensive presence by Arkansas, the fact that Auburn’s D played so much better versus a similar opponent played so closely in the schedule, Auburn will have many more chances to score and therefore be able to cover the spread. Huh, what, I just blacked out there for a moment.

MISS 13

Auburn 29

South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3), 7:45

EGM

This is another huge game. Whoever wins is still in the SEC East race.The Cocks looked pitiful on offense last week and were killed by turnovers. They have two shitty quarterbacks and a lackluster running game. However, the Vols have a terrible defense that could get the Cocks back on track. The Cock defense has been giving up some serious yards on the ground but have been excellent against the pass. The Vols do both fairly well but if they can take advantage of easy ground yards they should be victorious and possibly save Phat Phil’s job. The Vols just have too much offense for Team Under Armor.

Click Clack – Welcome to Shreveport! 21

Too much Ainge 28

ML

Talk about another game where I don’t know what the hell to expect. Spurrier lost to frickin’ Vandy at home, and Philbert was squadooched in Tuscaloosa, all but cementing his demise from Pumpkin-land. If he loses at home to Spur-Dog this week, the Great Pumpkin may not make it to Halloween. Spurrier has been doing some Holth-like poor-mouthing of his Cocks. I know there is some sort of pornographic metaphor here, but it’s just not cumming to me…

Impotent 17

Staving off termination 21

CB

While I always consider the Gator game to be the SEC game of the week, I must say that this is gonna be a close second. BOTH of these teams still have a shot at the SEC East (crown?). UT would need an eventual loss by the Gators at some point, and to be honest so will the Cocks (specifically when they play in mid-November). But for now, its win or swim, (sorry I just made that up). Regardless, UT got embarrassed by their long time rival last weekend in Tuscaloosa and since I just used the word embarrassed, let me think of another way to describe USC’s loss at home to Vandy. Hmm, I would say that the Gamecock loss, to Vandy was actually more than embarrassing, it was humiliating. They were denied one of the Head (don’t call me Ol’) Ball Coach’s favorite things, a touchdown. I guess giving up 17 straight points to the Commodores is an insurmountable situation…just ask Georgia, oh wait, don’t, they actually beat Wandie (testing out my Latin to impress the Vanderbilt admissions team haha). Anyways, let’s get this over with, Tennessee’s defense is a lot better than advertised and after last week they’ll be playing for respect (most of which they don’t deserve). Give the 3, I feel weird that its this low.

USC 17

UT 21

LSU – OFF

EGM

Les Miles will be doing chores at the devil’s house.

ML

Ohhhh less miles you have such big ballllllllllllllllls the size of your balls is surpassed only by the stupidity of Mike Patrick and Verne Lundquist

CB

Fuck Les Miles

Alabama - OFF

EGM

I guess Nick Saban was smart enough to realize the Vols have no pass defense. Now that’s coaching!

ML

So I guess now Satan is the second coming of Bear. Wow…you blew out UT at home. Something 2 other schools have already done.

CB

Thanks for beating the Vols last weekend, now go back to your Satanic chambers for recharging.

Non-SEC GOTW

Southern California @ Oregon (-2.5), 3

EGM

As good as USC’s defense may be, Oregon has the offense to score on it. They have two complete studs in Jonathan Stewart and Dennis Dixon. USC seems lethargic at times on offense and relies on a lot of power running plays inside. I thought they were just doing that against Nebraska but it seems they are trying to pull that shit against everyone. Oregon doesn’t have a great defense but they will be motivated at home and will get just enough stops to pull it out. All my spare moments will be watching this game because it should be fun.

Trojans 24

Ducks 28

ML

This is a very big game, and one I would like to see. Unfortunately it goes head-to-head with the Cocktail party and ABC will probably decide to show Maryland v. UVA or some shit. The Trojans have studs all across the board, and the fastest LBs on the planet, which should help them contain Dennis Dixon & Co. USC must shut down the spread option to keep the crowd out of the game and help out their young QB.

OJ-U 24

Prefontaine U 25

CB

Glad we picked this game cause it’s a big one, but sad cause I realized I know dick about either one of them. Pete “the Cheat” Carroll says that John David Booty will be ready to go, but is that really a good thing? I think that Oregon is gonna be backed in a corner trying to stop the Trojan’s offense that was rolling against, the albeit down, ND defense last weekend. USC doesn’t suck on D and the Ducks have a pretty decent offense, so if I actually gave two shits about Pac-10 ball, I would be DVR’ing this game and turning down the sound and commentating it myself, but alas, I don’t care who wins, just as long as PC gets caught on camera doing blow off a USC cheerleaders chest. That would make this game worth watching. Oh yea, Charlie from Scent of a Woman is from Oregon, Who-ah!

USC 26

Oregon 25

Week IX Slate of Games

Another winning week for me as I pull away from my proletariat compadres. All lines are courtesy of pinnaclesports.com (for entertainment purposes only). By the way, how about the incredible games this past Saturday?

Saturday October 27, 2007

Mississippi State @ Kentucky (-13.5), 12:30

Miami, Ohio @ Vanderbilt (-13.5), 2

Florida International @ Arkansas (-39), 2

Florida vs. Georgia (+8.5) at Jacksonville, 3:30

Ole Miss @ Auburn (-17), 6

South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3), 7:45

Non-SEC GOTW Suggestions

USC @ Oregon (-2.5), 3 - SELECTED

Ohio State @ Penn State (+3.5), 8

Boston College @ Virginia Tech (-3), 7:45 Thursday 10/25

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VIII - Weekender Edition

For the USF-Rutgers game and weekend lead ins. See the entry following the Badass All-SEC Weekend Edition.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Tennessee @ Alabama (-1), 12:30

CB

For all intents and purposes, this would be great for the Vols to lose. First of all, its an SEC game and we REALLY need them to lose at least one more, and second of all I frigging hate UT. Bama (as I predicted) had a hard time with Ole Miss last week. I know the Rebs have a shit head record, but they play tough in Oxford. Or maybe Bama does suck. I’m throwing out all sorts of probabilities here. Tennessee kicked the shit out of UGA two weeks ago and then struggled against arguably the worst team ever, Mississippi State. Freud would love this, of course I mean if the teams were all related. Hell maybe that is the case in the SEC West for all I know. Rivalry game, all bets are off. I hate to say this, but I have a feeling that the Vols are gonna escape victorious.

UT 21

UA 20

EGM

Well it’s the Third Saturday in October. Let the battle commence. UT is severely nicked up after playing against Miss State (they have a reputation for hurting opposing players). The injuries are to their best wideout and their best tailback. While they have a bevy of young talent at these positions, they will noticeably miss both players. Obviously, the linesmakers have seen the injury report because the Vols should have been at least a 4-5 point favorite with those players. Bama just doesn’t have the weapons to exploit UT’s defense. Yes, DJ Hall is a great receiver but outside of him they really have nothing. JPW is struggling hard core and the Vols improving defense should exploit his inconsistencies.

Hanging on to the East lead 20

www.firenicksaban.com 17

ML

Ahh, the third Saturday in October, it means only one thing, Vols vs. Tide. This is one of the most hate-filled rivalries in all the South. Phillup Phulmer is still a wanted man in Tuscaloosa. There is a roving band of insane old men holding Tide boxes just dying to bash him over the head. The Gators need an assist from Satan and Co. to enable them to regain control of their destiny. Unfortunately, Alabama has been scuttling as of late, almost blowing a game to Houston and needing a dramatic comeback over Ole Miss. In tight games like this, I typically look to the quarterbacks. I like Ainge over JP Wilson.

Ainge in Orange 27

Wilson in Defeat 24

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-13.5), 12:30

CB

No question in this one. The victor will be the Cocks of the SEC. Standard operating procedure, Spurdawg beats the Doremats, but do they have it in them to cover two touchdowns? Absolutely. I missed the Vandy/UGA game last week for a good reason, so I don’t know what sort of defense the Commodores have, but I’m pretty sure the USC-D is ready for whatever Vandy’s-O can throw at them.

Vandie 13

Cocks 28

EGM

The Cocks really let me down last week. I figured they would blow out a shitbox UNC squad but after chatting with the Malt Licker I’ve come to the realization that the Cocks aren’t that good on offense. Smelley has a terrible completion percentage and the O-Line can’t open holes for the two RBs. Sure, they beat UGA and stayed with LSU but that was due to their tough defense. All said, Vandy is not the same team as last year. Nickson has totally lost any ability to pass and they are playing two QBs. Not a good sign. UGA had some trouble with Vandy in Nashville but the Dores are a different team when they are separated from their library and Cray supercomputers.

Separation anxiety 10

Team Under Armor 24

ML

Man, Carolina gave up an ugly back door cover to UNC. The Cock N’ Fire attack has not done a whole lot of scoring, as SC is near the bottom of the SEC in points scored. Vandy blew a 10-point lead to the Dawgs, so both these teams are disappointed with their second halves. If this line were up over 14, I’d be inclined to take the Dores, but I see Spur-Dog opening things up and improving to 15-0 over Vandy.

Vanderbilt 16

South Carolina 33

Arkansas @ Ole Miss (+5.5), 2

CB

Well shit, Arkansas turned into ArKAN’T-sas last weekend on offense. Mustering only 7 points against anyone is fucking embarrassing; I don’t care who they were playing. Ole Miss was one (questionable) call away from taking Bama into overtime last week. Let me just address my feelings on that infamous call, for the record. The Ole Miss WR came up with the ball after CLEARLY stepping out of bounds unforced. However, I was always under the impression that, while the player that has been out of bounds cannot touch the ball first, if another player touches it prior, then all bets are off. It was clear to me that the Bama defender intercepted the ball and then gave it up to the wide-out who made a great play by stripping it and recovering it into his possession. Conclusive? No. But as we have all seen, un-objectivity does not exist the SEC officiating. Whichever call works for the moment will be made, that is a fact. The question as it stands is this, will the Razorbacks be able to move on the Ole Miss defense and if so, will they be able to stop the Rebels’ BenJarvis Green-Ellis, and their QB Seth Adams, and the ability to make big/random big plays? I’ll tell you what, I like this spread. It shows that the gamblers are taking into consideration that the ‘Backs have lost a shit load of SEC games already and that its always possible for a big play by an alright team to come up huge in this league.

Ark 23

Ole 20

EGM

How is this game not on JP? Talk about Taylor Made. The announcers could talk about how they have a place called “The Grove” in Oxford where people tailgate. Then they could show the statue of William Faulkner. After that, they could deify the backup fullback for Ole Miss who could be the most overlooked player in NCAA football history…until they have a new backup fullback next year. As for the teams, I can’t put my finger on Ole Miss but it seems like they are constantly involved in competitive games. So why is an average Arkansas team favored by more than a touchdown? There are two answers actually: Felix Jones and Darren McFadden. If Tebow can run for 100, those two should both go over 200.

Good RBs 34

Good Tailgating 28

ML

This is the stinker matchup of the week in the SEC. The Hogs haven’t won in eons, and it seems like the Rebs haven’t won since Chancellorsville. The Cajun Hulk has had several close calls and would like nothing more than to ensure Mr. Nutt’s Termination.

Premature Nutting 17

Finally victorious 20

Florida @ Kentucky (+7), 3:30

CB

Not sure how I feel about the Wildcat win last week from strictly a Gator fan’s POV. It was good to see LSU exposed, however it was not good to see them get exposed a week late. It was good to see the team we are playing is legit, so if we win, it will mean more. It was bad to see the team we lost to get beat by the team we are finna play. It was further bad that now if we face said team that beat us again, it will mean less in the SEC Championship game. That is this fan’s perspective from Cuzzin’ Bailey. Now the Gator team perspective: WIN, WIN, WIN. One game at a time, win here, win there, win everywhere (have one other team lose) and we are headed toward Atlanta, where dreams are made. This game actually means something and I love the irony that its not played earlier in the season as it usually is, cause by being played later, so much more is at stake. We have to do one thing in this game: stop the short shit! Woodson is good, and can possibly run, but if we shut down the short passing game, then its gonna be a long night for the gorgeous Wildcat women. That will be the case. Oh yea, I don’t see them stopping us on any real occasion.

UF 36

KY 21

EGM

Never thought this would be a big game in my lifetime. Nor did I ever think KY would be ranked higher than the mighty Gators. Andre Woodson is good but LSU blew that game. If LSU had any ability to throw the ball that game would not have been close. The Periloo-Flynn gimmick isn’t working. As for the Gators, I expect the secondary to give up some plays but if they can stop the run and put some pressure on Woodson it shouldn’t be too close. Tebow will own the KY defense, I fully expect 500 yds offense and maybe one punt.

Urban gets the red ass 38

KY Mildcats 21

ML

Who would have thought I’d ever be more anxious about playing UK in football? Such is the way of life in Al Gore’s post-Global Warming Earth. How can a team be ranked higher, at home, and still a TD underdog? Especially when they just beat the team that just beat UF. Well, the Gators are better, that’s how. The Kentucky Bluegrass hasn’t seen a group of thoroughbreds come through like this since…well….probably today.

Sunshine State Studhorses 34

Humbled K-Y 20

Mississippi State @ West Virginia (-23), 3:30

CB

The Dirty Dawgs showed some balls last weekend against the team that now holds some cards in the SEC East. I don’t think showing their balls is gonna impress the Mountaineers. But look at this spread. I mean this is the team that lost to USF! After seeing an effort against a decent SEC team, I just can’t assume MSU is gonna lay down and get date-raped this weekend.

MSU 19

WVU 28

EGM

This line is huge. Both teams lack any recognizable passing game. WVU can run the ball fairly well as opposed to Miss State who is offensively challenged. I thought originally that Miss State had a decent defense but once they got creamed by a couple SEC opponents I started to wonder. The Mountainqueers aren’t in the SEC and there is no way they are covering 23 with their turnover problems.

Sly Croom Cover Special 17

We like to keep it on the ground 38

ML

Wow…this is a weird matchup. I can’t believe the line is this high. Ol’ Sly’s crew is not that bad. They were competitive against UT and will not be intimidated by the crowd in Morgantown. Neither of these teams can pass, so if MSU can contain WVU’s rushing attack and limit big plays, they can keep this close.

Conservative D = Cover 19

It helps to pass 33

Auburn @ Louisiana State (-11.5), 9

CB

LSU at night. The douchebag Cajuns thrive for this shit. I have been there (though not this year), so I know how much they anticipate an evening game in Death Valley. Auburn, however, is on a tear. After losing to the new asshole team in Florida (sorry FSU and Miami, yall are off the radar this time around) and a horrible Mississippi State at home, the War Eagle-Tigers have exploded to four straight wins and aren’t just gonna lay down to the team that held their destiny in their hands and piddled it away. I like the Tigers in this one. I think the Tigers are gonna play with some spirit and so therefore I’m gonna take the Tigers. Oh right, I mean the Awww-barn Tigers. At least to cover.

AU 19

LSU 24

EGM

Another huge game. I really can’t believe the 11+ points. I know that LSU is tough and unbeatable but have you seen Auburn’s defense lately? They are stopping everything. LSU has stud skill players and a huge OLine. Sadly, their best plays are a 5 yard slant or wide receiver slip screen. That’s taking chances! Auburn still doesn’t have much of an offense but with Cox healthy they aren’t turning the ball over as much. Tubbs will play ball control in this game and keep things close. Last year, this game was incredibly low scoring and I expect nothing different this year. I would love to pick Auburn in an upset but I think the Cajuns will muster just enough offense.

Too much drinking in this town 14

“Tall wallets are easy to steal” – Ryan Perilooo 17

ML

I absolutely do not get this line either. Wasn’t this the total combined score from last year’s meeting? Auburn is a schizophrenic team, who can look great one week and terrible the next. Meanwhile, LSU squandered a 2^nd half lead to UK and lost a heartbreaker in triple overtime. Nothing makes me happier than picturing some cajun sitting on his rent-to-own couch next to his gf/aunt and watching his team get schooled in overtime, shattering his dreams at an undefeated season. However, I would love to see them win out so that we can seek our revenge in Atlanta. I think LSU will pull it off, but the line is way too high. Tommy Tubs usually has his boys ready to play in big games.

Dr. Jekyl 13

Black Tebeaux 19

Georgia – OFF

CB

Can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but Mark Richt showed some serious class last weekend. His D-bag players were stomping on the Vandy “V” in the middle of the field after a last second field goal victory and he berated them and tossed them into the locker room and apologized to the ‘Dores’ headcoach for the action. It’s a sad day when a close win over Vandy warrants (to the players) that sort of celebration.

EGM

Ironing the chinos for JAX.

ML

Dawgs fans will have plenty of time to drink coffee on their bye week, and prepare themselves for another dismantling in Jacksonville.

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VIII - Thursday Edition

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Whoa doggy, after a bye week its hard to discuss how the refs screwed us or how badass we were. However, I am surprisingly pissed about two things that did occur this weekend’s past. 1) LSU lost. This makes our eventual win over KY look good, but at the same time, when we face the Bayou Bengals in the SEC Champ game, it may not mean as much. B) USF won. While I never really hated them before, recent knowledge of their lack of allegiance to a team that never had an ill-will toward them has made me one of the most vocal anti-Bulls fan around. I get it if Miami or FSU roots against the Gators, but to have USF fans cheer on an out of state opponent for no good reason I say this, “GO (insert next Bulls opponent)!”

El Gran Mono

Wow, the adventure continues. Ohio State, South Florida and Boston College are #1, #2, and #3 respectively and I see all three teams losing in the next few weeks. The questions in my mind are: 1) do the polls mean anything? and 2) should we have a playoff with the six major conference winners receiving automatic bids and two wild cards determined by the polls? The answer to those questions are NO and YES respectively. An easy way to see the shittiness of the current system: UF favored by a touchdown over higher ranked Kentucky with the game being played in Lexington. If you have never seen the poll issued by Vegas then you don’t know the truth. Perhaps this intro is a bit too soap-boxish for your liking and you think your team’s ranking is justified. If so, I think you are a pussy that doesn’t want a playoff to determine a rightful champion. Side note – watching the Southy Sawks go down in flames is a beautiful thing.

Malt Licker

Whoa dude…what a wild and crazy college football season. I just received an email outlining a scenario by which the Gators could make the BCS championship game. And you know what? It really wasn’t that far-fetched. Of course, if I follow the outline, it means I’ll have a stake in virtually every game played for the rest of the season. Since we can’t gamble, I may as well have something. Oh yea…maybe I should work on retaking the lead from El Gran Mono.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Non-SEC Game of the Week

South Florida @ Rutgers (+3), 7:45

CB

“Hey, I’m a huge USF Bulls fan.” That’s the nightmare I live in down here. Name five players with first names dickhead. Look, I’m aware they are doing well, but they are doing well for USF standards. They beat Auburn, a team that beat UF at UF, but tell me those aren’t two different Tigers teams. Show me proof. Do they go on the road to play LSU? Kentucky? Do they play any other SEC team? Have they heard of any other SEC team? Why won’t they play FSU? Why did they bitch out of their game with UF this year? Pollsters suck, this is the weakest Top Ten in the history of Division I-A. “Why can’t I just be happy for the local team?” 1) D-bag fans who think they deserve something; 2) The talk of Grothe in the same conversation as Tebow; 3) Root against UF one time, you are automatically a Gator enemy. Small margin of error this weekend and for most of the rest of the year. No more UCF or Florida Atlantic games. Root against my team, guess where my “allegiance” is this weekend. Sopranos style bitch.

USF 18

Rut 19

EGM

Most of my anger at the polls was initiated by a Buckeye fan who accosted me for wearing a Gator shirt. He was exclaiming his giddiness at his Buckeyes #1 ranking. I guess he didn’t get the memo on his #1 Buckeyes getting their ass kicked in the BCS Championship game, but hey, they were NUMBER ONE. However, some of my anger flows from bandwagon Bulls fans talking just a little too much trash. Sure, they are excited but the season is still a little young to be talking undefeated. I feel they will lose twice before the end of the year but this game will not be one of those losses. Rutgers just doesn’t have the horses to run with Bulls (excuse the terrible pun). The Scarlet Knights have some excellent skills players but Teel turns the ball over way too much. USF doesn’t have a dynamic offense and if they find themselves behind early they could be in trouble. The Bulls have an excellent defense but their light line will give up some rushing yards to Ray Rice. All told, I just can’t pick a team to cover on the road with an offense centered on Matt Grothe.

Bullies with terrible hair 21

Knights with STDs 20

ML

Well…I hate to say it fellow Tampa Bayers but your newly beloved Bulls need to go down. Am I selfish? Why don’t I want USF to be this successful. In case previous references to Katrina, the Kent State shootings and many other tragedies haven’t clued you in, I’m a dick. Therefore I will be rooting like hell for the Scarlet Knights, who are looking to repeat last year’s heroics against Louisville.

Back to Earth 25

Redux 28

Full edition available later tonight to tomorrow...

Week VIII Slate of Games

We have a new leader folks. All lines provided by pinnaclesports.com (for entertainment purposes only).

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Tennessee @ Alabama (-1), 12:30

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-13.5), 12:30

Arkansas @ Ole Miss (+5.5), 2

Florida @ Kentucky (+7), 3:30

Mississippi State @ West Virginia (-23), 3:30

Auburn @ Louisiana State (-11.5), 9

Georgia – OFF

Non-SEC GOTW Suggestions

Kansas @ Colorado (+6.5), 3

Texas Tech @ Missouri (-3.5), 3:30

Miami @ Florida State (-6), 3:30

Michigan @ Illinois (+3), 8

South Florida @ Rutgers (+3) 7:45 THURSDAY - GOTW SELECTED

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VII

Malt Licker
Man….what an alternatively great and horrible trip. I managed to witness another road loss for my beloved Gators, lose a contact lens, drink about 65 cocktails and have a great time in New Orleans. Unfortunately, the good time ended at about 10 pm CST, and I immediately began dreading the bus ride from Baton Rouge to New Orleans, the walk down Bourbon Street in Gator gear, the 7 am wake up call, the flight back to Tampa, the impending dismantling of my Buccaneers by Peyton, and finally, work. However, as a Celtics fan, I can now look forward to the NBA for the first time since puberty.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Well I don’t know what to say. The Gators played as hard as they could, made two mistakes and there’s your ballgame. A former Guest Bourbon Boy, the Dinner Cruise Gambler, sent me a text that summed the game up in one sentence. “What can you say, we lead for 58:30.” Maybe that wasn’t the exact time but the point was taken. You can’t allow any team to regain some confidence and momentum in this league, especially the number 1 team in the nation. Oh and you can’t let said team go 5 for 5 on 4^th down conversations. Oh and the refs can’t allow the number 1 team in the nation to lose its last time out on a bullshit challenge. I hope so much that we get to see them again in the SEC championship game…

El Gran Mono

Last week featured two premium matchups and resulted in one blowout and one game for the ages. The results of the great game were sad for Gator fans but there are still many games to play. Fulmer and the Vols now hold the key to their SEC East fate. Will they blow it against Miss State this week? As for the game of the week out-of-conference, there really isn’t one so it was kinda tough. After all his trash talk, Malt Licker has lost his lead to yours truly and will likely slip out of contention this week. Congrats to loyal reader Phil Ace on his nuptials!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Alabama @ Ole Miss (+7), 12:30

ML

Satan managed to piss of the local USF “fans” with his comments this week about how USF takes players that couldn’t get into UF. When I heard this I had two thoughts:

1) Shouldn’t a football team be representative of the general student body?

2) Does a coach from the University of Alabama have room to talk about admission standards?

Speaking of morons, Ole Miss is playing. This could be the only school that is used to playing before noon. In fact, Saturday’s in Oxford are a lot like Sundays. They get up early, dress up, see friends and are continuously reminded of their mortality.

Admit that you are crooked 24

This season is too far-gone to be redeemed 14

CB

Well, Alabama has certainly made me look like a jerk in the past two weeks. I must be a glutton for punishment because I have a gut feeling that they are gonna play hard this week in Oxford and not get distracted by all the gorgeous southern ladies in their nice little sundresses, but could you really blame them? That’s all I was thinking about when I was there, well that and the fact that our team played like shit and still won. Like what should have happened when Auburn…alright enough. JP Wilson accounted for 3 TDs last week in the almost loss to Houston at home, and the Rebels manhandled La Tech in a nice little shutout, something they hadn’t done since ‘03. Hey, you know what else happened in ‘03? Ole Miss beat Bama! Do I think that’s possible this year?

Bama 23

Ole Ma’ama 17

EGM

Ole Miss broke up its four game losing streak by defeating mighty La Tech. Unfortunately for the Rebs its back to the SEC schedule and a Bama team that has struggled lately and looking for redemption. The Tide were on their way to a blowout last week until Shasta and the Cougars decided to make it a game in the fourth quarter. John Parker Wilson continues to be unimpressive and now Terry Grant is dinged up. This game has home-dog cover written all over it. However, the Rebs are giving up points in all directions and I’m not counting on the Tide to blow the lead again.

Satan’s Sound and Fury 28

Another SEC loss 20

Tennessee @ Mississippi State (+7), 2:30

ML

Don’t look now, but UT is back in the top 25 and controls their own destiny for a trip to Atlanta. The bad news is that they still have the bulk of their SEC schedule ahead of them. The good news is that it starts against the Cow-bell nation, who have (hopefully) finished up their non-conference creampuff factory with their victory over UAB. Anthony Dixon responded to a demotion from Ol’ Sly by coming off the bench to rush for 150+ and 3 scores. He’s going to need to have a similar effort for MSU to have a chance

Volzzzzz 27

Ding Dogs 17

CB

It ain’t a nice day in Mississip when both of their son’s are underdogs at home! Man Tennessee really came out of nowhere last weekend and just unloaded on Jawga. Oh and by the way, what a fucking surprise that Fulmer would go with trick plays early on in the game like that. He and Les Miles have seriously turned into video game coaches. I hate them. Meanwhile on the dirty side of the ball, the MSU Bulldogs out lasted a shitbox team in the 4^th quarter, scoring 3 TDs and making it look like a rout of UAB. It wasn’t. These Dawgs were trailing the Blazers 13-9 when it all finally started clicking for Sly Croom’s team. It only took 3 years. Well that impressive streak of one good quarter is gonna end this weekend. I like UT to carry on that momentum and hopefully they won’t need quadruple reverses to fool the MSU D.

UT 34

MSU 13

EGM

Last week, Miss State needed a comeback to take down the mighty UAB Blazers of Conference USA. This week they draw the wicked hot Vols who are coming off a blowout win over UGA. Fulmer has hammered Miss State in Starkville in the past and I expect nothing less this Saturday.

Back in the saddle for the East 35

No in the saddle for the West 10

Louisiana State @ Kentucky (+9), 3:30

ML

Man I hate these cajun fucks. They should count their lucky stars we decided to turn the ball over back to back, not force Flynn to throw it quick on 3^rd and long, and be completely unable to tackle Jacob “so white it hurts” Hester. I must concede that Les showed some ball by making all those 4^th down tries, but seriously, his kicker was god awful. It’s not like any of the times he went for it I was like…”I’m glad he’s going for it.” I would have much rather he punted or tried another FG.

No need to go for it 35

Still falling back to earth 20

CB

Well, if Les Miles has to go for it on 5-4^th downs this week, the powers that be may want to reconsider their place on their knees in front of LSU. I mean how can you call having to go for 5 fourth downs and OF COURSE getting them, and winning a bullshit challenge (that the moron coach gambled with their last timeout), an affirmation of their status at number one? I mean I hate to bitch but they were dominated and got a lucky turnover and ah what’s the use? Oh yea and to all you USF fans rooting for LSU this weekend? Well fuck you too! I think that UK is in for a very, very tough task this weekend. After all LSU is the greatest team on the face of the earth.

The ‘L’ is for Lucky 32

UK 19

EGM

LSU needed every last inch to beat the mighty Gators last week. Their defense actually looked human against a team that could run and throw. Kentucky can pass and run but they don’t have the downfield playmakers that UF possesses. KY looked lethargic against the Cocks secondary who prevented them from getting any intermediate or deep routes. I’m betting LSU does the same thing and their offense should easily put points on the shitty KY defense.

Good defense 34

Bad defense 24

South Carolina @ North Carolina (+6), 3:30

ML

North Carolina Likes it on Top! Have you seen those t-shirts? If not, go to your local Urban Outfitter. It will be on the rack next to the “One Human Family” t-shirts and hemp necklaces. Spurrier hates hemp and he hates losing to UNC. He hates it so much he’s never done it, and by it I mean lose to UNC…not hemp. You know he was big into the ganja while tearing up the SEC in the late 60s. He beat UNC with Duke for christ sakes. I’m sure he’d like nothing more than to slap the shit out of these powder blue queers with his Cocks.

New Unis same story 23

Let down after dah U 20

CB

Talk about getting no respect with the gamblers. UNC beat up on Miami last weekend and staved off one of the Hurricanes patented comebacks and they are still home dogs to their neighbors from the Souf? That’s ridiculous. Well maybe I’m being ridiculous. I can’t imagine the Tar Heels playing like that and getting those breaks two weeks in a row esp against a team that isn’t on crack.

South 26

North 13

EGM

So, this game is at six points strictly because UNC beat Miami. That’s insane. UNC had beaten all of zero I-A teams until last week. Miami is not good and Kyle Wright is one of the ten worst starting QBs in all of football. The Cocks used tough defense and turnovers to beat KY last week. They will dispatch with UNC without any problems.

Click Clack 38

We beat Miami! 10

Georgia @ Vanderbilt (+7), 6

ML

Man…the SEC East is crazy. Just when you thought Georgia would make a move towards the division crown, they get pasted by Vols at Neyland. Will Vandy make it a winless trip for the Dogs to the Volunteer State? The Dore’s beat the Dawgs in their own yard last year. I bet the sun-tanned Prick will be using up his best bulletin board material to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

UGA 26

Gored Dores 13

CB

God you have to love the parity in the SEC. I mean we’re talking about Vandy here, and they are only getting 7 points. Well I’m sure that has something to do with UGA screwing the pooch (so to speak) last week at UT. Boy I didn’t see that coming at all. Maybe this spread is the punishment for when you have a down week. UGA did lose a running back, but there isn’t an injury report in college football so that shouldn’t be taken into consideration right? Sure. Regardless, running by committee or not, I like the Dawgs here to rebound. Cover the spread. And not make me look like a jackass two weeks in a row.

UGA 28

Vandie 10

EGM

UGA was buzzsawed early in the UT game and never had a chance to come back. Their offense is completely based on playaction passing and its tough to do that down four TDs. Stafford has looked terrible at times and his dropsy receivers don’t make him look any better. Vandy’s offense is not clicking like last year and it appears Chris Nickson is having a second-year slump. The Plainsmen absolutely hammered the Dores last week and UGA plays a very similar style of offense. That spells cover. Yes, I realize I’ve picked against every home dog so far.

Dawgs back on track 38

Vanderdork 21

Auburn @ Arkansas (-3), 7:45

ML

Man…what a clash of fashion this will be. Arkansas will have a minimum of 12,000 fans in some sort of overalls, while Auburn will have all their fans in khakis, orange ties, and blue dress shirts “rolled up” to look casual. Arkansas has yet to win a conference game this year, and McFadden is banged up. This is bad news against Auburn, who are among the SEC’s best against the run. A loss by the Hoggs here most likely means the end of the Houston Nutt era. Hmmmmm….just in time for the ’08 Election

Tubbs 31

Nutt in ’08 20

CB

Auburn is on an impressive 3 game winning streak and Arkansas is coming off 2 straight wins over awful teams. Maybe that’s what the Razorbacks needed cause they were severely struggling after dropping two straight SEC games. Now 0-2 in the SEC I would venture to say that this is most certainly a must win. Arkansas went to Jordan-Hare Stadium last year and upset the Tigers and I honestly think that barring some bullshit breakdown of the Razorbacks run game, they should win in a decent manner.

Awbun 16

Ark 24

EGM

This is a very tough game to predict because Arkansas has played two dirtbag teams since losing back-to-back game to Kentucky and Bama. McFadden and Jones will get their yards but the real story is whether the Hawgs can pass when Auburn completely crowds the line of scrimmage. They have yet to get it done against a good team and the Plainsmen are looking for revenge after getting hammered in Jordan-Hare last year. BranDONE Cox suddenly looks like a different player and the Plainsmen still have a reasonably stout defense. I look for the Arkansas lack of throwing and lack of secondary to bite them in the ass again.

Tubbs 24

Nutt 23

Florida - OFF

ML

When we lose…I don’t comment.

CB

I like to score chicks, mkay…

EGM

The best way to respond to a two game losing streak is by winning the rest of your games.

Non-SEC Game of the Week

Georgia Tech @ Miami (-3), 12

ML

Man….not only does Butch Davis decide not to return to Miami, he promptly comes into the Orange Bowl and kicks their ass with the Tar Heels. Seriously, how do you get worked at home by UNC? The Canes have a good defense, a below average offense, and putrid fans. The Rambling Wreck was ranked for a while, buoyed by their “Big W” against Notre Dame. Since then they’ve done what Tech does best, be average. Although I would love to pick against the Canes, I think they’ll bounce back after the upset and expose Chan Gailey as a joke.

Knock Knock 14

Que? 21

CB

Well, well, well, if it isn’t good ol’ Georgia Tech. Kids, did you know that the Yellow Jackets were a charter member of the SEC when it started out in 1933? Well they were. That’s pretty much all I got about them. Uh they beat Notre Dame, but who didn’t this year? HA sorry UCLA (you suck). Miami got “upset” last weekend at UNC, a perennial powerhouse. They were down 27 at halftime and managed to comeback to within a score and blew it cause they freaking suck. The Jackets are looking to make it 3 in row against the Canes, but for some reason I just don’t think they can do it.

Jawga Tech 17

Mee-ami 21

EGM

Forget Game of the Week, this is the Game of the Year. Well, it would be the Game of the Year if you wanted to see two of the most inconsistent offenses guided by two awful QBs. There will be many successful blitzes by both teams and at least two defensive scores. But the real question is how many interceptions will be thrown? I’m giving four to Kyle Wright and three to Taylor Bennett. Since the OB provides no recognizable home field advantage these days, that one turnover difference should decide the game.

Yellow Jackets 17

Kyle Wright #1 Prospect 14

Slate of Game, Week VII

This week's lines are provided by pinnaclesports.com (for entertainment purposes only). Looks like I am closing in on Malt Licker and I'm going for the kill.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Alabama @ Ole Miss (+7), 12:30

Tennessee @ Mississippi State (+7), 2:30

Louisiana State @ Kentucky (+9), 3:30

South Carolina @ North Carolina (+6), 3:30

Georgia @ Vanderbilt (+7), 6

Auburn @ Arkansas (-3), 7:45

Game of the Week Suggestions

Florida State @ Wake Forest (+6), 7:45, THURSDAY OCTOBER 11

Georgia Tech @ Miami (-3), 12

Wisconsin @ Penn State (-5.5), 3:30

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC Week VI

El Gran Mono

Last week a ton of undefeated teams went down to underdogs. That’s life in the SEC where teams rarely go undefeated these days. The games this week are still interesting if you love college football despite what the media tells you. LSU is not unbeatable as shown by Tulane last week and USC looked pretty bad against a Washington team that is very average. I doubt anyone will be going undefeated except Hawaii. On to the picks, where the Malt Licker’s lead is down to one game…

Malt Licker

Wow….quite a crash. Major return to earth for both the Gator and Malt Licker nation. Don’t despair loyal scribes. For if last year showed us anything, it is that these Gators and yours truly are tenacious. By the time you read this, this Bourbon Boy will be on Rue Bourbon, several drinks deep and chomping at the bit for a big Gator W and a return to the top of the SEC.

Cuzzin’ Bailey

Well, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was on Saturday night. I guess we aren’t the Gods I thought we were, able to move the ball at any time especially important times, etc. Also, its interesting to note that Auburn was Spurrier’s first SEC home loss as well. Take that for what you will. Anyways, this weekend I will not be joining my compatriots in Baton Rouge and New Orleans for some drunken gambling (always a lucrative combo), and some Cajun ass kicking. We have a tough road ahead of us this year and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let one loss (to a school that specializes in producing total assclowns) bring me down…

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Kentucky @ South Carolina (-3), 7:30

EGM

The worst part about this game will be listening to Flutie and James as color commentators. Those guys are trainwrecks. In the game, Spur-Dog matches up against a high-flying KY offense that can put up points and a defense that has problems stopping any team with a pulse. After watching South Carolina dismantle a fairly decent Miss State team I think they are back on track. Woodson and krew will put up at least 24 but Smelley has the Cocks offense humming. Arkansas couldn’t beat KY because they are one dimensional, Spur-Dog doesn’t have that problem.

Rich Brooks back to reality 24

Ball (run & pass) plays drawn in the dirt 31

ML

Click Clack, Click Clack, what the fuck is Kentucky doing in the top 10? This has to stop. With each UK win I await the Rapture. Is this the first time these two teams have met with SEC East supremacy on the line? Smelley is the new leader of the “Cock-n-Fire” attack. Man...that sounds like a scorching case of something that can be picked up on Bourbon Street. Good thing Cuzzin’ Bailey has “friends” who schedule weddings on SEC weekends.

Click-Cats 21

Click-Clap 26

CB

I read somewhere that Stevie is 14-0 against Kentucky and by golly, that’s gonna change tonight! Kentucky’s offense is really freaking good, and while USC’s defense played well last week, I am looking for a shootout and anytime you put a rook QB against a stud like Woodson you have to go with experience. And believe it or not, this win for Kentucky will affirm their place at the top of the SEC East, well at least for one more week.

Kantuckee 35

Sorth Carolina 32

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Vanderbilt @ Auburn (-7), 12:30

EGM

Who was that Plainsmen team last week? It certainly wasn’t the team that lost to USF and Miss State. Tubs totally outcoached the Urbanator and he still has a chance in the West if they continue to play defense like last week. I have hard time believing Vandy can win in Jordan Hare if the Plainsmen continue to play well. If Chris Nickson and Bennett get hot then they could possibly cover but I just don’t see that happening. Vandy’s defense just doesn’t have what it takes to keep this close in the 4^th Quarter.

Pocket Protectors 14

Tall wallets 28

ML

Man…Fuck Auburn. They always seem to have our number. I hate them. I hate their long wallets. I hate all three mascots. I hate that they toilet papered a tree on University Avenue. I hate their coach and his Dumbo ears. I hate that they will follow up an upset of the Gators with a lackluster effort against Vandy.

VanderCover 14

I hate you 20

CB

Ahem, I don’t think Auburn is getting enough respect in this game. I mean assuming that Vandy plays the worst game of their lives and the Tigers pull some more heroics out of their ass, this will be a blowout. As it were, (and this will probably sound like sour grapes) I don’t believe that Auburn is that good. I believe the Gators played like shit and probably played down to a lesser team, its happened before (see: Mississippi State game: 1992, 2000, 2004). Regardless, this is about this game and I find Auburn to be on par with Ole Miss and Vandy handled the Rebels pretty solidly. But playing on an emotional high (which every team feels if they ever beat the Gators), might prove to be the edge here that the Tigers need to maintain.

Vandy 23

Awbarn 27

Louisiana Tech at Ole Miss (-13), 2:00

EGM

I was going to comment on another SEC-Sun Belt matchup but the Lady Techsters are in the WAC. I guess Louisiana was once thought of as “the West” in the days of Lewis and Clark but I think we are past that now. JOIN THE SUN BELT OR DIE!

WAC 13

SEC 31

ML

I don’t spend more than one sentence on games like this when a trip to New Orleans is imminent.

Sun never shines on Louisiana Tech 13

Olé Miss Ese 31

CB

Its funny, well its not that funny, but after we’ve played and beaten a team that isn’t a huge rival makes me hate them a little less during the year and actually happy when they win. Also, considering that LaTech isn’t in the SEC makes me feel loyal to the Rebels on a conference level. However, that doesn’t exactly pay the bills. Both of these teams aren’t that great. And it certainly seems like they are both ready to pack it in and who would blame them. That being the case, I would generally point to the home field advantage to give one team a boost, but then again, the Rebs didn’t even pack the house when the Gators came to town. I guess there was too much “being seen” going on in the Grove. That’ll probably be the case this weekend 10 fold. But regardless, I have to go with the team that I have actually seen this year, so in front of a solid 40,000 get ready for the BenJarvus Green-Ellis show. I’m predicting he runs all over the Bulldogs defense with 4 TDs, one for each of his names.

LA-Tech 12

Ole Mess 35

UAB @ Mississippi State (-19), 2:30

EGM

UAB has one win and it was against Steve McNair U. The only intriguing question about this game is which city is worse: Birmingham or Starkville?

Bars 10

No bars 31

ML

When will all these dog-shit matchups come to an end? UAB has one of the cooler nicknames, whereas MSU has a completely unoriginal one. This is the only advantage UAB enjoys.

Fire-breathers 10

Shit-eaters 31

CB

UAB always tends to play good teams well for a while; thankfully Miss State isn’t that good. I would venture to say that they are barely decent, which could make the game go either way. I think its gonna be closer then this ridicockulous spread suggests. Oh and when is the SEC gonna sack up and remove the cowbells from this shitbox of a stadium? Why don’t they try creating a fight song that isn’t played to the tune of “Dueling Banjos?” Oh yea, my hatred runs deep for this Mississippi school.

Is that like “Blue Blazers?” 17

Miss St 27

Houston @ Alabama (-11), 3

EGM

Bama looked awful against FSU last week. Something is wrong with John Park Wilson and Saban better figure out what it is before a cinder block gets tossed through his window. The Tide defense is still pretty stout despite giving up 21 points to Xavier Lee. The only thing I know about Houston is that their mascot got his ass kicked by a duck.

Shasta 7

Big Al 28

ML

Things would be so much easier if Ole Miss was playing Bama right now. Well…the Saban-atics were humbled by the Tallahassee Bumpkin. When will www.firenicksaban.com get a buyer? I know next to nothing about Houston. It looks like they may be working a two-headed QB scheme as they have two ranked in the top 40 of QB efficiency, and they are ranked in the top 20 in total yards. Well that’s enough for me, if F$U and Predator, Jr. can put 21 points on the board, the Cougs can do it too.

Grrrrr 24

Whatever sound an elephant makes 28

CB

I’m gonna continue my hatin’ on Conference USA. By the way, this spread is pretty freaking whacky. Why not 11.5? Bizarre, anyways, Bama has two straight losses coming into this game after getting humiliated by FSU last week (and making me look like a jerk). How could I have any faith in them now? Well maybe I’m just a sucker, but I feel they are going to use Houston as a whipping boy this week. And if it doesn’t happen this week, well they’ll have another chance next week in Oxford, meanwhile I like the insane asylum spread and Nick the dick to A) run up the score if they can; and B) make some asshole comments about Houston’s players ala what he said about USF this week. Oh yea, I would like to say congrats to Famous Amos, a former guest Bourbon Boy, for tying the knot this weekend.

Sub par players. Right Nick? 13

Bammer 35

Georgia @ Tennessee (-2.5), 3:30

EGM

I wonder how many Georgia fans will wear hobnailed boots to this game. My guess is 50. Apparently they are good for stepping on people’s faces. Tennessee is still smarting from an asskicking in the Swamp but Ainge should be healthier for this game and they will have the home crowd behind them. I still have no faith in UGA’s receivers after watching them continue to drop balls. The Vol defense will be looking for the typical Mark Richt run at all costs, conservative gameplan so its really a matter of how Stafford and the passing game perform. It’s hard to pick against the road team in this series but I’m bettin’ Mo Massaquoi will drop enough balls to make the 2.5 stick.

Dawgs 21

Vols 24

ML

Oh look! It’s the Prick v. Phatty. The Prick is 23-3 on the road against SEC teams. Good thing Jax isn’t considered a “road” game, or that winning percentage would take a precipitous dive. I really want UT to win this game. I hate Georgia, and I think if UT loses to them again Phat Phil might get canned. I would like for his Ass to remain in the SEC.

Jawja 24

Big head on Chopping block 20

CB

Big, huge, ginormous game in the SEC East here ladies and gents. The Vols, who have no wins in the SEC yet, (b/c they have only played one game so far) are looking to get out of the cellar in the division, while the Bulldogs are just one heartless loss away from the outright lead. Another loss for either team could spell Peach Bowl if they aren’t careful. UT failed the Florida litmus test early on but then rebounded against Arkansas …STATE by 3 TDs. Meanwhile, UGA has actually played a few decent teams, since losing at home to the Cocks, which is a good thing. No one is saying that the Vols SHOULD win this game and if it were on a neutral site, I like the Dawgs to be favored by 7. Sometimes folks just put too much into the crowd’s effect on a teams play. Bark Bark bitches.

UGA 19

UT 18

Tennessee-Chattanooga @ Arkansas (NL), 7

EGM

The wrath of the D-IAA game continues.

Mocs 3

McFadden 49

ML

Chattanooga is famous for its choo-choo and a civil war battle. Yet their nickname is “the Mocs.” I did some research, and it seems that even schools in Tennessee feel the need to succumb to ridiculous political correctness. The water moccasin was the mascot in the 1920s, then it became the moccasin shoe, and from the 1970s until 1976 the mascot was Chief Moccanooga. I guess this “exaggerated Cherokee tribesman” was too offensive. Now their mascot is a “Scrappy” the Mockingbird. Good lord.

Scooby would be cooler 4

Hogs 44

CB

Two heart wrenching losses to SEC opponents and then two cupcakes. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and call for an Arkansas blowout!

UTC 11

ARK 40

Florida @ Louisiana State (-8.5), 8:28

EGM

If there is something more overrated in sports than Tiger Stadium at night then I don’t know what it is. LSU beat #1 UF in ’97 when a drunken Douggy J threw some picks and the Tigers barely squeaked by a downtrodden Gator squad in ’05. So what’s the big deal? Is it all hype? Will the Cajuns bring their Tim Tebow voodoo dolls and hammer the Gators? Last week both teams looked lethargic in the first half, LSU was playing Tulane and was able to recover, UF was playing Auburn and could not. Matt Flynn still looks hurt to me and Ryan Periloo still can’t throw so I’m expecting a defensive matchup with a very low score. Tebow will rebound and shock the LSU crowd much like a freshman Chris Leak in 2003.

Is Tiger Stadium still the toughest now? 13

Better play calling this week 14

ML

Man…what to expect. I actually have a feeling we’re going to play well this week, despite my less than exemplary winning percentage in Gator road games. I’m really not all that impressed by Less Miles, Death Valley, or LSU’s offense. However, I am petrified of Glenn Dorsey, his ass, and the LSU defense. If we can play to a draw in the first quarter, it will be anyone’s game. I would love to see “diversity” on offense that would make Bernie Macheninajad proud. Maybe the anesthesia from Mullen’s appendectomy has finally worn off and he’ll call a fucking decent game.

Shit…If I think we’ll cover, I may as well predict a W 24

Bleaux Me 20

CB

Yea, this is the big time. It would be nice to say that the Gators were just looking ahead to this game last week, and that the loss to Auburn was a fluke, but I don’t like making excuses. Wait a second? That is exactly what I do. The game had to be a fluke! We played flatter than, flatter than…damnit oh yea, Kiera Knightly! And the second half of that game is something that will haunt me for a long time. I don’t understand how a team can have that much momentum after tying the ball game to just flake and go 3 and out with the game on the line. Then the punt sucks and the defense lies down and then that scumbag kicker humiliates us (twice). Ridiculous. Well now we are facing another Tiger team that everyone in the country no longer thinks is ONE of the best teams, as they are ready to proceed with the coronation ceremony right now. Well before we break out the crown jewels of the NCAA Bowl Division, what’s say we actually play a few games. As shitty as we looked last week in the first half, at least we were playing a semi-decent team. If we had struggled like that against Tulane, we still probably would have won hands down. You can probably guess where this is going. I am just not convinced that this Gator team is ready to go quietly into the Bator Rouge night, after all there are some crazy psycho Cajuns running around them backwoods. No, I believe that (no thanks to Tony Joiner) this team is gonna be focused and ready to play in ONE OF the tougher environments in any sport, but they way I look at it, we are Christians in an unholy land this weekend, and we have to fight like we’re ready to take back Jerusalem.

Tigers 23

Gators 25

Non-SEC Game of the Week

Oklahoma vs. Texas (+11), 3:30 @ Dallas

EGM

The Red River Shootout certainly lost its luster last week when both of these teams lost. It was to be expected in the case of Tejas who has been playing with fire. However, Oklahoma looked like a juggernaut and was beaten by a very average Buffs team. I’m betting Oklahoma’s offense gets back on track against a weak Tejas defense.

Sam Bradford 17

Colt McCoy 31

ML

I will always refer to this as its real name. The Red River Shootout has been going on since 1900. Texas has won about 55% of the games. Both these teams lost last week, taking some of the luster off of this game. Colt McCoy has misfired for 9 INTs on the year, and going into the game it looks like Sam Bradford is the better player. As a side note, can someone explain to me why the University of Oklahoma is known as OU?

Dyslexic Victors 30

I’ve got a long horn 21

CB

Thank God for the Okies that this is played in a neutral site cause if it were played in Austin, well the spread might be higher and they’d have more to cover, just kidding I have no idea. Both teams are coming off heartbreaking losses, even though only one of them was actually kind of expected to lose (well by me anyways). There’s still a lot on the line here though. Sure they both started out Big 12 play with an L and obviously one of these teams will be 0-2 after Saturday, but I can’t help but feel that Oklahoma State is gonna melt down and Dennis Francione at A&M appears to create as much fire under his team as a chafing dish. So, on Saturday, these teams will be undefeated in the Big 12 South and that’s all that matters. It’s a rivalry game, anything can happen. Of course that “anything” is Oklahoma is gonna win, prob. not cover.

Sooners 32

Longhorns 25