Friday, September 30, 2011

Bourbon Boys Pick The SEC 2011 - Week V

El Gran Mono
Greatest sports week of all time? That’s the question I’m asking myself right now. The Rays spectacular comeback and run to the playoffs and the Gators start of the SEC gauntlet makes for some fantastic television. I hope the results are the same for the Gators as they were for the Rays. However, Saban and Miles aren’t overrated choke artists like those chumps in Boston so the odds are a little longer. I can’t wait to have a drink or two in the Sunshine State with my Boubon Boys brethren and discuss these things as well as the fate of the international banking system.

Brew of the Week: New Belgium Hoptoberfest (I’m not a fan of the Oktoberfest style of beer but this is a little slice of heaven)

Malt Licker
I would like to extend a hearty congratulations to all the die-hard Rays fans for being able to enjoy an amazing September and an incredible Wednesday night. I guess baseball can be exciting sometimes. I would also like to thank the Rays for making my month. As a Yankees fan and avid Red Sox hater, watching this epic collapse has already made my sports year. Schadenfreude, thy name is Malt Licker. The Rays comeback has set the stage for one of the bigger sports weekends in Florida in recent memory, as they head to Texas for the ALDS, my beloved Bucs return to Monday Night Football, and of course, the Gators face the biggest test of the COACH BOOM era. I’ll be making the trek up I-75 to arrive in Gainesville early on Saturday to get ready for the 8 PM kickoff. I’ll do my best to avoid inappropriate references to tornadoes and other natural disasters. I’ll keep it classy and merely question the humanity of Nick Satan.

Cuzzin Bailey
As many of you know, I am a newlywed. What some of you may NOT know is that my BourbonGirl is in fact an Alabama fan. Last year, as I noted, many of my friends and family (including the Malt Licker) were invited to Tuscaloosa for the celebration of my birthday as well as an extremely awesome tailgating scenario with my in-laws before the UF/UA game. This year, there is less of an opportunity to reciprocate the favor but the drama surrounding the game is still present. I feel like it would only be fair for the Gators to come through and win this end of the home and home, but I doubt my mother-in-law would agree haha! I don’t have this game to write about this week, so I will just say its always nice to have a clash of the class of the SEC. This game is an example of what all the other teams in the conference wish they had. Nuff said. On a different note, a HUGE shout-out to the Tampa Bay Rays for completing the greatest September comeback in MLB history by overtaking the scumbag Red Sox and “devastating” Carl Crawford! He was honestly surprised by Rays fans heckling him in left field as the season went on…Dude, you were wearing the enemy’s uniform, whatta you expect? Anyways, Saturday marks the beginning of Hell Month for UF; playing 2 top 5 teams in consecutive weeks, then at Auburn, followed by UGA. Amazing. Anyways, for more on the Gators, the Rays, movies (Point Break) and life, follow me at


Mississippi State at Georgia (-7)
A few weeks ago the world was hot-to-trot for Miss State and I heard Danny Sheridan say that Dan Mullen was the genius behind the national titles at Florida. I disagreed with Danny the Vampire at the time because he neglected to mention Percy Harvin, Tim Tebow, and Urban Meyer but what disturbed me even more was the touting of Miss State as some kind of contender. Danny M’s spread has always struggled to move the ball against quality defenses and when Chris Relf is the pilot things don’t get any better. Auburn also showed that the Miss State defense isn’t quite that great either.

As for UGA, I really don’t know what to make of them. Richt has always loved to run the ball and resort to playaction passing. This gained him the reputation as an offensive genius when David Greene, DJ Shockley, and Matt Stafford were pulling the trigger. What you should notice about that list of QBs is that they were all regarded as good but never stepped up in a game that really mattered. Sure, UGA won the SEC once but that game did not have a lot riding on it. Regarding Aaron Murray and the current Dawgs, I feel like they are the same teams as Richt’s previous teams but with less 10 win seasons (probably because the SEC is better). All that said, I still like them to crush an insignificant Miss State team and start getting hype to win the East. Unfortunately for UGA, they still have to beat UF to win the East and we know that’s not happening.

Chris Relf 17
Aaron Murray 28

Western Dawgs 19
Eastern Dawgs 28

Miss State 16
Jawga 24

Kentucky at LSU (-30)
Thank you Kentucky. You always manage to give a team a nice boost of confidence before a big game. Honestly, who is Kentucky recruiting on defense? I’ve never seen more side-to-side/reversing of field runs in my life. If I were LSU I’d just run reverses on every play. The thought of a guy or team switching sides of the field must never occur to UK. The Tigers rolled over the Mountaineers and into the top ranking. Of course, the last time LSU faced the Cats as the #1 team, they lost. However, that Kentucky team had a competent QB and their coach was not named Joker. Jordan Jefferson’s suspension was lifted this week, so the Cats best hope is that the Mad Hatter tries to incorporate this turnover machine into the offense.

The Jokes on Blue 6
Tigers rolling 40

Kats 9
Tigres 42

Kats 0
Tigers 49

Texas A&M at Arkansas (+3)
The Aggies “sort of” get an introduction to the SEC. I say sort of because the game is taking place on a neutral field, away from a campus, and at an NFL stadium. It is also being played against their former SWC brethren. They’ll get their first indoctrination when they go into Bryant-Denny, Jordan-Hare and The Swamp 3 times in 4 weeks. Both teams are coming off disappointing losses last week and licking their wounds. The Hawgs were hammered in Tuscaloosa, while the Aggies blew a big lead to OSU at home. This game seems like a coin flip to me, so I’m taking Petrino and the points.

Aggies 30
Hawgs 37

SEC Bound 32
Leave the SEC 33

Aggies 21
Arky 20


Buffalo at Tennessee (-28)
I think we have reached that phase of the season when no one cares about UT anymore and they seem to have five “Buffalos” on their schedule. How they can manage to do this and still play eight conference games is miraculous and is probably worth an extra win.

Vols 41
Buffalo 10

Buffalo Buffaloes 7
Tennessee Tennesseans 41

Buffalo 6
Vuls 44


Auburn at South Carolina (-10)
Well, its pretty clear what’s up with Auburn, they are exactly what we all suspected, they AIN’T NO GOOD! South Carolina is pretty decent but nothing special at all. In fact, judging by the games these two teams have played so far this year, I would expect this game to be about as sloppy as CuzzinBailey in New Orleans, night one of the Ben Hill Griffin Bootlegger’s bachelor party. Auburn’s defense is surprisingly awful, and their offense is not that great without Cam Newton. South Carolina is making winning feel like a colonoscopy for their fans. I’m sure the Gamecocks will take this game, but I don’t like the spread with so many questions out there…

Aubarn 21
Cocks 28

Plainsmen 13
Cocks 24

Plainsman 27
Cocksman 30


Alabama at Florida (+4)
Last year this game was hyped as a chance for the Gators to avenge their SEC Championship loss. However, anyone that watched the Gators in the first few weeks knew they were not the same caliber of team from previous years. John Brantley guiding the spread was a comedy of errors to say the least.

Many Tide fans likely see this Gator team as the same bumbling idiots with the only change being a new headcoach and an asshole OC. What they probably don’t realize is how much the change in offensive system and new found motivation has resulted in a vastly improved team. That said, the Gators still have a lot to prove, especially on offense.

The Bama defense is what it typically is: fast, disciplined, and reactive. Their offense is another story and its all because of one guy, AJ McCarron. I’ve seen him play in every game this year and I’m not impressed. Futhermore, he has yet to face obstacle like the Swamp and the Gator offense.

This game looks to take offense back 100 years. I’d love to pick my Gators but my gut tells me John Brantley doesn’t have it in him. I hope he proves otherwise.

Tide 13
Gators 10

Tide 17
Gators 12

Bama 20
Florida 21


Ole Miss at Fresno St (-3.5)
While some of my in-laws are Bama fans, the rest support the Rebels. I really want them to do well for that fact, but look, that just ain’t happening. I’ll bet they are seriously regretting scheduling a game like this, huh? Travel out to California for a night game after a serious skid, in retrospect that seems exactly the opposite of what they would want. Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t know anything about Fresno State (other than that’s where Daniel Laruso moved from Jersey with his mom in Karate Kid), and their head coach looks like a dog. Ole Miss is underachieving again this year. This is probably the most frustrating team in the SEC that I don’t hate. (Tennessee and UGA are definitely 1A and 1B for all teams). They have had 2 coaches that have had quite a bit of success at other SEC schools in the past decade (Tuberville and now Nutt), but they just can’t get over that hump. You can always expect them to have at least 1 good win a year, but unfortunately this one ain’t it.

Ole Miss 20
Fresno-san 27

Black Bears 10
Fresno 20

Dilfer U 34
Eli U 20

Vanderbilt – Bye Week – Really not worth saying anything here.

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