El Gran Mono
What a wonderful week of games to return to, and by wonderful, I mean terrible. Miss state v. Arkansas is the game of the week and that says it all.
Brew of the week:
Smithwick’s, best enjoyed in its hometown of Kilkenny.
This week’s edition of the picks are being mailed in on a third class stamp. Third class like this week’s slate of games, or if you prefer, the Gators offense.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about these games since we distributed the list, and look at them, can you blame me? Naw, I have been wrapped up in outside stuff: Sons of Anarchy, Thanksgiving, LEAVING Facebook…you know the usual. Yea, I took the reverse plunge on that one and it feels great. I hate how much exposure I have to people I haven’t seen in 10 years! That’s why I love the anonymity of twitter! Anyways look, this is the least exciting SEC week and that includes the usually interesting Ole Miss – LSU game. My cable is acting funny so I may not even see much of the Gators game this weekend until Breakfast with the Gators on Sunday morning. Alright, that is probably bullshit but it the fact that it’s a possibility should show you how little I care about these games. Do yourself a favor and root for the USA in the President’s Cup, show your freaking national pride! www.twitter.com/cuzzinbailey
Citadel at South Carolina (OFF)
Whoooo!! What a Matchup!!! Militaristic rednecks vs. regular rednecks! If the Citadel can manage to do something the Gators couldn’t, contain the amazing running ability of Connor Shaw, then they might be able to keep this game within 50
The Fortress 3
Sorth Cackalacky 33
Kentucky at Georgia (-30.5)
Got one of the few all SEC matchups this weekend here! Here’s the rub…if UGA wins (likely) the scumbags from Athens are on their way to Atlanta. Let’s just talk about it like its inevitable because it freaking is, damnit. This makes me mad and happy at the same time, let me essplain: Mad b/c, shit, its our arch-rival who is “succeeding” in this bullshit terrible Division; I am happy though b/c of that same shittiness, it’s a pretty good damn guarantee that the Dawgs are gonna lose in the SECCG so that will be nice watching them get humiliated!
Furman at Florida (OFF)
I was involved in a very interesting debate this week about what to do with Johnny Brantley for this game and the rest of the season. Do we keep riding the great Gator fan who stuck around through thick and thin (all kinds of weather etc), or is it a good idea to perhaps look to the future, see how Brissett handles a shitty team on our home turf? I was on the side of the future…I mean hell, let JB toss it around in the first quarter, but then plug in the kids to see what they can do and get their confidence up for FSU next weekend. This game sucks, as do they all…
Purple Paladins 13
Georgia Southern at Alabama (OFF)
Thank goodness the NCAA permitted a 12th game for everyone. Otherwise this matchup would only take place in our head.
Georgia of the South 0
Ga Suthun 0
Samford at Auburn (OFF)
I’m really glad the NCAA decided to add this extra week of games. It is so enthralling! Maybe they should do away with this week of games and spend the extra week monitoring each football programs anti-child rape safeguards. I don’t even know what Samford’s mascot is, and frankly, I don’t care. Let’s call them the Samford Smegma. I’d rather watch Jack and Jill in a theatre full of 8 year olds (as long as Sandusky isn’t lurking).
Go Smegs! 3
War Tigers 55
Terry Bowden Part I 10
Terry Bowden Part II 48
Mississippi State at Arkansas (-13)
Remember when everyone was calling Dan Mullen a genius and touting Miss State as a darkhorse conference contender? Those people should probably stop thinking of Florida as a major win and more of something that happens often. Because, oh yes, that pronouncement was based on the Miss State’s asswhooping of Mr Mom and the Non-talent Assclowns.
As for the game, Petrino would never allow a loss in this situation and smells an opportunity to tie for the conference title next week. I smell the hammer of Thor coming out.
Miss State 10
Miss Stizz 13
LSU at Ole Miss (+30)
My one non “OFF Line” game of the week and it is this pile of drivel? I wouldn’t watch this game at gunpoint. You know your program is in trouble if the most well known person in your program is your currently-fired-yet-still-coaching head coach. If this were a lynching contest Ole Miss might be favored.
Ole Miss 10
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (+1.5)
And this is what we have come to, Vandy being favored over Tennessee. The Dores have possibly the best QB in the league and he’s going to be around for awhile. As for Derek Dooley…not so much. How long before those orange pants are on a rack at Goodwill?
Vandersexxx (Eurotrip Reference) 20
InbredSexxx (Tennessee Reference) 17